The Death of Animal House

Jerry Seinfeld and a few other comedians have let it be known that they don’t do college gigs anymore because colleges have become humor-free zones.

Latest evidence: the “outrage” and suspension of the Sigma Nu chapter at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia.

It seems that an off-campus house “associated” with the ODU Sigma Nu chapter hung a few bedsheets over the balcony on the front of the house on the day that new students arrive at campus (AKA Move-In Day). “Rowdy and Fun… Hope Your Baby Girl Is Ready For A Good Time…,” “Freshman Daughter Drop Off [with arrow pointing at front door]” and “Go Ahead And Drop Off Mom Too…” read the sheets. Isn’t that nice, they included mom too!

Ha, ha! Not exactly National Lampoon, much less Wodehouse, but about what you’d expect from kids who spend a large portion of the week waiting for the weekend so they can think they’re cool by getting drunk.

But in our new hypersensitive, hyperventilating, always on the prowl for outrage society (thanks, liberals!), all Hell broke loose.

We live in truly bizarre times.

As everyone who went to public school or watches TV knows the 1950s was a prudish neo-Victorian era filled with uptight, sexually deprived, straight-laced folks and the actual Victorian era was, so puritan that strong men fainted at the site of a woman’s bare ankle and women, well, they just fainted at the thought of a man’s bare ankle.

Of course, thanks to the groovy 1960s and women’s lib, that’s all behind us now… Free love! You’ve come a long way, baby! Er…. [record scratching sound]… Where are we now?

It seems that all our supposedly worldly, jaded, cynical sophisticatoes are outraged, yes, outraged, at a trio of “Animal House” banners.

Seriously, they’re outraged at that. Banners about as threatening as a Bob Hope/Bing Crosby exchange in a “Road” movie? A piece of lightweight frat comedy from some off-campus members of Sigma Nu? Sigma Nu? They aren’t exactly Delta House.

They probably find lint terrifying too.

Things they aren’t outraged by: Planned Parenthood turning its aborttoirs into industrialized human parts recyclers. Not bothered by maniacal Muslims cutting off the heads of archeologists, blowing up ancient sites, tossing homosexuals off of buildings and trying to shoot up trains in Europe. Unmoved by endless stoner and/or hook-up sex comedies, absolutely craven/prurient/nihilist “reality TV” shows and any number of hyperviolent slasher movies.

But a silly set of college banners upsets them. They have some superselective, highly-notched filter there.

I suppose the whole category of bawdy humor is out of the question… No serving wenches in bodices or dashing swordsmen for them!

These are almost certainly the same people who blew a fuse over the University of Alabama sorority that had the nerve to make a video about themselves showing they were, well, young college girls that liked to have a good time — and by good time, I mean that it didn’t seem to involve anything that would make a “Girls Gone Wild” video. The young ladies seemed to want everyone to have a good time. What’s the harm in that?

They were just friendly, perky girls showing off and being slightly goofy and our self-appointed liberal superiors and pusillanimous college administrators practically had a grand mal seizure over that video.

I can’t believe they haven’t banned Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” yet. That’s probably on next week’s to-do list.

Yeah, girls don’t wanna have any fun. No, sirree, not anymore.

Unless it’s cheap, likely alcohol-fueled, practically anonymous “hook-up” sex, then they’re all for it… Except when they are against it because it is part of the “Rape Culture/Epidemic” on college campuses. It all depends on the political point that needs to be made at that particular moment.

Is your neck sore from all the whiplash?

Weren’t we supposed to be awash in strong, independent, clear-sighted, sober young women who can make their own decisions? But apparently what we really have are hothouse violets that will wilt at the first encounter with the real world.

What this really is about is power. The power to control society, personal interactions and behavior. It’s to keep people jumping and terrified — not knowing what or who’s going to be disfavored next. Look no further than totalitarian societies like the Soviet Union, Nazi Germany and Cambodia to understand this.

These “outraged” humorless dours need to be confronted and cast back into the shadows from whence they came. College campuses need to be reclaimed from their clutches. These arrogant harridans, more like some horrifying Dickensian character, have turned colleges into Kafkaesque theaters of the absurd.

Sigma Nu national needs to grow a spine (and something else, as well). The fraternity was founded by students at the Virginia Military Institute not long after the War Between the States. Those boys were made of sterner stuff.

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