John Oliver Attacks Unnamed Paris-Attackers, Sort of

The Twitterverse and other regions of the intellectual eliteopia are all atwitter about HBO’s John Oliver delivery on Sunday night of an “epic smackdown” of the terrorists that attacked Paris.

Yeah, he just hammered them. Calling them a-holes and using the F-word frequently (which of course means he was like mom-using-your-middle-name serious). He devastated them by calling them “unconscionable.” I’m sure any ISIS folks watching HBO at the time were just crushed. They’ll have to visit their therapists. They are probably feeling marginalized, disrespected and invalidated now. They’ll never be able to terror again…

Ooooooh, he showed them. John Oliver 1, unnamed attackers 0.

Oliver’s big takedown point is that these unspecific a-holes are never going to take French culture down because the French have Sartre and Camus and Piaf and Proust and Gaulois cigarettes and wine and cheese and pastry… I guess that’s effective if you want to bond with ennui-infused college students in their Paris Semester but as a weapon against hardened maniacs living in another millennium, it just makes you another easily killed infidel.

Johnny, they don’t play by your rules. It’s not a debate about what culture is most fun. Yelling, “Burn, dude!” and high-fiving your buddies isn’t particularly effective with this lot. They understand only a few basic things – alive, dead, should-be dead/will-be-dead and the power to compel. Junior high-level comedy doesn’t exist in their world. You might as well be reading Aristotle to a case of terminal cancer. That Oliver seems to think he’s won something, is kind of disturbing.

Interestingly, he left out people such as Saint-Saens, Bardot, Pascal, Rabelais, Zola, Monet, Offenbach, etc., and, most importantly, Charles Martel, the one Frenchman (well, Frank) who knew how to deal with Muslims.

Another interesting thing left out of Oliver’s tirade was the “M” word. He could call them effin’ a-holes but he couldn’t call them Muslims. John, professional tip here, if you can’t speak the name of your enemy, you’re not doing much good. Maybe it’s you that’s getting burned.

Oliver is under the delusion that this is some kind of cultural selection contest and naturally people will choose the ooh-la-la French. He has no more better grip on reality than special snowflake college students these days. He even seems to think that the terrorists themselves are probably no stronger than our precious snowflake students. Oliver clearly has no comprehension of who we are fighting or what this is about.

Let’s also not forget that John Oliver will be one of the first people to go after U.S. forces if we decide to put boots on the ground in the Middle East to go after the “a-holes.” He’ll mock them as he mocked Bush, U.S. forces in the Middle East conflicts and the Guantanamo Bay facility. When the going gets tough and some heads have to be bashed, Oliver will be one of the first to look for the exits.

So I’m not sure what he’s hoping will happen with his tirade. There’s nothing like liberal tough talk (said after the bully that gave them the atomic wedgie has left the field, gone home, got drunk, passed out and forgotten the nerd’s name).

 

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