Hotel Clintonia

With all due apologies to Don Felder, Glenn Frey and Don Henley (who will still vote for Hillary Clinton — including the recently deceased Frey).

On a dark deserted highway
Frozen wind in my hair
Warm stench of death
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a dying light
My head grew heavy, my memory faded
I had to stop for the vote
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the election tote
And I was thinking to myself
This won’t be Heaven but certainly Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices calling from the past
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Clintonia
Such a corrupt place
Such a corrupt place
Such a lying face
Plenty of lies at the Hotel Clintonia
Any time of year
Any time of year
You can find them here
You can find them everywhere

Her mind is ambition-twisted
She’s got a big international foundation
It’s got a lot of wealthy contributors
That she calls supporters of the nation
Her cronies dance in the courtyard
Sweet selfish greed
Some dance to survive
Some dance to feed
So I was called up by the Big Dog
“Listen to my BS talking point line”
He said, “We haven’t had any income since 1999”
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Clintonia
Such a corrupt place
Such a corrupt place
Such a lying face
They’re livin’ it up at the Hotel Clintonia
What a pack of lies
What a pack of lies
Remember to bring your alibis

Mirrors reflecting other mirrors
Vince Foster and so many on ice
And she said, “We are all just victims here
Of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy device”
And in the White House chambers
We gathered for their feast
We stabbed them with the steely knives
But we just can’t kill the horrid beasts
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax,” said the news man
“We are programmed to deceive
You can throw them out
But they will never leave”

(Admittedly some of these lines are off a beat or two [syllabic disagreement with the original], “Clintonia” is not nearly mellifluous as “California” and the rhyming scheme is chaotic [the original rhymes only even numbered lines]). I dashed this off in a couple of hours so I’m sure someone could improve upon it.

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