Wow, that didn’t take long.
It seems United has already reached a settlement with “Dr.” David “It’s All About Me” Dao.
I’m not sure who blinked. Did United offer him some kind of outrageous wad of money? Did Dao’s shyster ambulance-chasing attorney inform that some of that tiny print on the ticket he bought says that United has the right to do what it did and, unless, they get the right freelancing judge they’ll lose so grab the money and run?
Of course United had to make a big deal of their cravenness. They took out a full-page ad in the Wall Street Journal trumpeting their panty wedgie. The modern business liberal — surrender is a mark of honor.
In a printed letter signed by United CEO Oscar “Wienie Boy” Meyer… er… Munoz, he grovels — “We can never say we’re sorry enough for the shameful way one of our customers was treated…”
He used an Obamaesque phrasing, “corporate policies were placed ahead of our shared values.”
What “shared values?” Disregarding the cabin commands of the flight crew? That’s a violation of federal law, Senor Munoz.
Seat belt light on? Eh, ignore it. What are they going to do to you?
So, people can light up on the plane now? You’ve undercut the authority. Light up, everyone!!!
Heck, go into the bathroom and disable the smoke detector and fire up that blunt. What’s the worst that could happen? It takes four weeks to get your settlement from the airline?
Here’s an interesting bit from the letter (that terrorists are salivating over): “Law enforcement will not remove customers from a flight and customers will not be required to give up their seat once on board – except in matters of safety or security.”
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Good luck with making those distinctions. Terrorists aren’t going to walk on with their bomb or knife out in the open. Besides, Dao was clearly a safety risk. Anyone that deranged (or drunk or on drugs, as he might have been) is a safety risk.
They don’t let drunk passengers onboard or will remove them if discovered and have landed planes to remove them. Who knows the limits of a Dao’s mania. This man is allegedly a doctor — supposedly someone calm under pressure.
I had a colleague almost refused boarding because he took an Ambien too early and was practically a zombie as we boarded. It was going to be a redeye flight. Needless to say, he snapped out of it as the gate crew detained him and he sheepishly reboarded as they held the plane a couple of minutes.
And don’t forget, they hung the cops out to dry on this one. Next time you need someone to remove a hostile passenger, Oscar, don’t look to the muscle. They should all quit because it will be just a matter of time before they offend the wrong angry passenger and the company CEO feeds some of them to the dogs because he’s actually more sympathetic to a deranged rich high society type that makes a stink than he is with the blue collar muscle. To purloin another Obamaesque phrasing, aviation cops should know that United’s CEO doesn’t “have their back.”
And imagine a whole generation coming up of young special snowflakes who spend their whole day looking for offense and confrontation with what they see as the forces of oppression, authority and backwardness.
Most of the rest of Munoz’s ad/letter was stuff I’d have figured was their policy already but they just highlighted it make themselves look concerned. I was surprised he didn’t hit the “diversity” button.
I’m not excusing United’s idiotic policy concerning the deadhead crew. That’s a prime example of the behavior of the soulless MBAs (like Munoz) now running corporate America. That’s why you have cramped seats and why some flights are mysteriously canceled and they don’t bother to bring in another plane. And it’s why meals are no longer served on planes and you’re paying $25 for a single bag (while way too many people are wheeling around jumbo ‘carry-on’ bags causing boarding times to skyrocket).
I can say that I will not be flying the friendly skies of United in the future.